


In Another Life

by aeducans



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Concept Art Solas, F/M, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - All New Faded For Her, Prompt Fill, Solas Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 10:33:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16931646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeducans/pseuds/aeducans
Summary: Ghilanel's curious about what Solas was like before the Inquisition. He's honest, sort of.For DADWC on tumblr, with the prompt, "How Long?"





	In Another Life

“Solas. Can I ask you something?” The way his pen was slow to still and his head equally slow to rise almost stole Ghilanel’s resolve, but when he finally looked at her across the room, the same light she’d seen in his eyes earlier had returned. Wonder and appreciation and, yes, love. _Ar lath ma, vhenan._

“Of course. You are, after all, the Inquisitor.” How few in Skyhold would believe her if she told them Solas did in fact possess a playful side. Ghilanel sighed, warmed by his teasing, and rested her chin on her hand where she laid on her bed. He accepted her invitation to do his evening’s reading in her quarters with little reluctance so out of respect she’d given him space to work and simply enjoyed his presence, but having a second person here made the room feel cozy and in turn made her feel more comfortable and confident.

“It’s not that kind of question! Or, I don’t know, perhaps it is. You asked me this afternoon what I was like before the Anchor, but you never talk about yourself. What were you like before all of this?”

Solas instantly turned his attention back to his work, not even making eye contact. “We discussed this at Haven. I grew up–”

“No, not like that.” That his answer came so quickly and was so clearly a deflection only encouraged her. “I know that little of your youth and what led you to join the Inquisition, but there’s a span of time in between where I know more about your dreams and journeys than about the man who dreamt them. What were you like? If I met you perhaps ten years ago, who would I have met?”

He laid his quill down, an action Ghilanel took as acceptance that a short answer wouldn’t get him out of this, but otherwise Solas’ only reaction was to look up again and tilt his head as though studying her. His eyes narrowed then he let forth a sigh of his own and rose from her desk. Ah, so this was that sort of answer. Ghilanel shifted until she was seated cross legged on her bed, hoping to look like an appropriately attentive pupil.

“I doubt you would have recognized the man you see before you now. I… differed, and not only in appearance. The friends I made in dreams stayed there, and in the waking world I found a growing and frustrating isolation. I was angry but determined that my journeys would not be for naught.” Solas clasped his hands behind his back and paced toward the fire, stopping in front of it, and even though he was farther from her the room seemed to grow smaller. “It was important to me then to find or build a fellowship, a group who understood what I was doing, but every time I spoke my mind and shared the wonders I had found, I only met rejection and suspicion. No one listened or believed me, so entrenched were they in their own worlds.”

To say that was not what she was expecting would have been to put it gently. Nothing about his silhouette changed but in his voice she could hear the slumping of disappointed shoulders, the shaking of his head and the closing of his heart. “People are usually afraid of change, especially when it flies in the face of everything they believe, but you were doing what you felt was right not just for yourself but on behalf of the spirits you’d met. If people chose to dismiss you, I’d say that was their loss.”

“Perhaps. Or perhaps I was too ambitious.” He turned away from the fire but instead looked out at the night sky through the glass balcony door. “Especially in the south, the relationship between mages and spirits may always be one of fear and abuse. I’ve come, now, to accept that only open minds can be changed, but at that time the rejection of my learnings felt like a rejection of me. As you can imagine, I was a very angry young man. I wanted only to teach others to respect my friends as I did, but my pleas fell on deaf ears.”

Ghilanel slid to the edge of the bed and stood, folding her hands in front of her as she moved toward Solas’ side. He was like a statue, offering no reaction to her approach. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried.”

“Don’t be. It would have come up eventually one way or another, and it may be better that you know at least this much now.”

She laid her hand on his arm and the room fell into a tense quiet softened only by the crackling of the fire. When she could stand it no longer, Ghilanel tightened her hand in what she hoped was a comforting squeeze. “For what it’s worth, you sound like a man who already knew himself far better at that age than I did. The Ghilanel of ten years ago spent most of her time in the forge making spokes for aravel wheels.” As she spoke she understood why Solas averted his eyes the way he did; it was hard to talk about the missteps of your past so openly, but his sincerity deserved to be answered in kind. Her own eyes were glued to the rug they stood on.

“With the Blight ended and fear of it spreading over the sea gone, demand for weapons went down and what I was doing was good work, but I still felt if I had to make one more uniform, featureless rod of metal I’d go mad… then I’d get up the next day and do it again. I didn’t know what it was I wanted, only that it wasn’t that. Rather disappointing to a passionate mind like yours, I suspect. Oh, and I kept my hair much shorter. I doubt you’d have looked twice.”

That got his attention, earning her a little smile as he finally looked her way. Solas’ hands relaxed from behind his back and she reached down to take one in her own. It was Solas who threaded their fingers together, though, and pulled her closer. “You should not dismiss yourself so easily, vhenan. Who knows, perhaps it would’ve been you without a moment to spare for a brash outsider with strange ideas and hair long enough for the both of us.” All thoughts of somber reflection evaporated when he described himself, and the smirk he wore was so lopsided and his eyes so bright that she could almost picture it, except–

“I’m sorry, what was that about your hair?”

“Did you think I was incapable of growing any? I simply tired of maintaining it but yes, my younger self had a full head of quite long hair.”

Ghilanel stared up at him, willing her imagination to conjure an image of hair on Solas’ head, but she had to laugh when she failed. “I didn’t know one way or another, but now I must. How long? What color was it? How did you wear it?”

He scrubbed a hand over his scalp. “Is my current appearance so disappointing?”

“Of course not,” she tutted, reaching up to tug his hand away, “but as you said, I _am_ the Inquisitor. It’s my right to ask questions, and really, you can’t expect me not to ask.”

“As long as you don’t always expect me to answer.” Solas lowered his hand, his smile dimming as his eyes searched her face. “Was that really the part of all this you were most taken in by? My hair?”

“Not at all.” Ghilanel released his hand and slipped both her arms around his waist, moving in until she could rest her head on his shoulder. Whatever this was between them was still brand new and fragile but she didn’t want a misunderstanding like this to be what threatened it. “I think no matter when I met you, I would have found you interesting and charming and attractive, Solas. I saw your anger earlier, in defense of your friend, and while I’d never seen you like that it didn’t frighten me. If anything it made me love you more, and believe you more. I’ll never be able to see spirits the way you do but for you to care so much for them… anyone should be able to see the merit in understanding that.” She relaxed against him when his arms finally came up around her shoulders. His embrace felt like a reward. “I simply count myself lucky our paths crossed when they did, and you were able to see something in me, too.”

“I do.” She closed her eyes when she felt him kiss her forehead, the rest of his words murmured against her hair. “I see more than I’ll ever be able to tell.”

“You could try.”

“Someday, perhaps.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me at [tumblr](http://sulevinblade.tumblr.com)!


End file.
